In the Beginning...

I am convinced that there is an entire chapter missing from the Bible. It is about how God created pregnancy...and someone needs to get out their archeological tools to find it asap because it would be one interesting read.

Genesis* 51:1-7 -
On the eighth day, after God rested (because, let's face it, He totally deserved to) He created pregnancy. God created the first trimester so that women who were not planning on getting pregnant right out of undergrad could stay in denial just a little bit longer.
He then created the second trimester so that those same denial-loving-ladies would suddenly wish for nothing else but to be pregnant for the rest of their lives. Little flutters of movement and ultrasounds** made them feel like they could have at least seventeen more children...and that they would start right after this one was out.
Then He created month nine. It was filled with so much discomfort and swelling that the idea of squeezing a watermelon out of a lemon no longer terrified women...but it was something that they actually wished would come sooner...So that their feet would not remind innocent civilians of mini-hippopotamuses. So that they could run (or even walk normally, for that matter) without the enormous weight of their uterus/baby-to-be/unspeakable amounts of fluids jarring around inside of them.
On the tenth day He rested again...because even thinking about pregnancy is really, really exhausting for even the most awesome of men...which is why He decided to afford this task to women. I'm just guessing....

* I realize that God did not originally intend childbirth to be painful and therefore this chapter would probably not be in Genesis...but that is where I am putting it, so deal.

** I also realize that they did not have ultrasounds in Biblical times...this is not my passive-aggressive way of asking for your history of medical technology.

1 comment:

Shannon said...

LOL!!! This has got to be added to Genesis ASAP! Loved it!!!